You can do a better job in writing. Remember to organize your text: include an introduction at the beginning and a conclusion at the end. Also, be careful with your spelling, grammar and punctuation; you probably make a lot of mistakes in these aspects of writing. Push yourself: remember to use demonstrative adjectives to specify the objects you are talking about. Don’t forget: this and that are for one object; these and those for two or more objects.
You did a good job but you can do better. Remember to connect the ideas in your text using words such as “and”, “but”, “in addition”, etc. There are some mistakes in spelling, grammar and punctuation; be careful with those! Finally, remember to use more demonstrative adjectives to specify the objects you are talking about. Don’t forget: this and these are for objects that are near; that and those are for distant objects.
You did a great job! Your text is well-organized and there is cohesion in your ideas. You made virtually no mistakes in grammar, spelling, and punctuation. You did a great job using demonstrative adjectives in your text. Congratulations!